Whether it’s a client who has come to me for a massage or for photography, I have to be a listener (read about me). People tell me a lot more than they may tell a best friend or a family member. That’s probably because I have nothing to do with them apart from the time they have hired me for. I don’t know anyone in their circle to repeat what has been said to. They trust that what is said to me is in strictest of confidence, which indeed it is. I would like to think that I have good advice to offer, beyond what my clients have come to see me about.
Who is the cause of your grief?
One subject that is brought up regularly is that someone is the cause of a lot of their grief. It may be an in-law, a family member, a work colleague. This person makes them hold their breath in anticipation. This person keeps them awake at night. This person is why they are so depressed.
“People can only annoy you as much as you let them”!
A few years ago, I also had this kind of person to deal with. Anxiety was a constant companion and sleep had become scarce. Then I discovered a wonderful book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. This book taught me some very important and life-changing lessons. One great piece of advice from there was that “people will only annoy you as much as you let them”.
This piece of advice took a bit to get my head around it. When I did grasp what Eckhart was trying to teach me, it just makes perfect sense. That “someone” is being who they are. They are doing things which they enjoy doing, even if means making your life a misery. They may not know how much of an annoyance they are, maybe they do. The point is, if we let them know that they upset us, then they have achieved what they set out to do. This pattern will keep going until the pattern is broken.
What’s the worst that can happen?
You have to find a way to stop that fear from rising when you have to face them. The most important thing to keep in mind is something that my husband has taught me over the years. He always asked me “what’s the worst that can happen” with any stressful situation and we went from there. Most of the time, if the answer was that no-one (especially myself) was going to endure physical harm, then there wasn’t much to stress about.
You need to change the way that you react towards them!
The change is not going to come from that person who is causing you problems. It’s you who has to change the way that you react to them.
Think about why this person upsets you. Are they saying hurtful words? Are they threatening you in any way? If you are being physically threatened please seek the appropriate help. For those others who are just dealing with a pain in the neck, we have to ask ourselves why we are behaving the way we do around them. What are we facing to lose? Is what they are threatening to take away from you worth your health and wellbeing? That’s what it comes down to, all the stress that you are suffering will eventually take its toll on your body – if it hasn’t already. People will only stress you out as much as you let them.
It’s your choice!
It takes a lot of practice to lessen the effect that these people have on you. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. After you’ve learnt to deal with the situation, you’ll wonder why it affected you so much in the first place! Make that choice to stress less and live a happier life.